The BlueScreener

Pirates of the Caribbean 4: It Just Won't Die

2010-03-01T10:26:00.000-08:00

Greetings.

More news is flooding in on Disney's fourth installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean series.

The series, based off the Disney theme park ride of the same name, started back in 2003 and starred Johnny Depp as the roguish Captain Jack Sparrow, Orlando Bloom as the heroic Will Turner, Kiera Knightley as beautiful Elizabeth Swann, and Geoffrey Rush as the villainous Captain Barbossa. These first three films were directed by Gore Verbinski and produced by Jerry Bruckheimer. Together they grossed a total revenue of over 2.5 billion dollars.

As many of you know, it does not matter what critics think of a franchise, it's what the fans think. And the Pirates of the Caribbean movies are generally rated as follows: Curse of the Black Pearl: "Awesome!" Dead Man's Chest: "Ehh, okay" (Although it was my personal favorite). At World's End: "Sucks!!!" It's true, the franchise lost a bit of its flair with the last instalment. So I'm wondering, how are they planning to keep it afloat with a fourth movie??

Disney acquired the film rights to Tim Powers' bestselling book, On Stranger Tides, sometimes in 2009. The book, focusing on the quest for the Fountain of Youth, will be the main reference for the development of the fourth movie, also called On Stranger Tides. Johnny Depp has already been paid 55 million to reprise his role as Captain Sparrow, and Geoffrey Rush has signed on as well. Unfortunately, Gore Verbinski will not be returning as director, having fallen out with Disney last year. New cast members include Penelope Cruz and Ian McShane, with the latter slated to play the notorious pirate, Blackbeard. Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley will not be returning (which is not news), and now Mackenzie Crook, who played the wooden-eyed pirate hand Ragetti, has stated that he will not be returning. This strikes me as a bit of a surprise. Does this mean that the rest of Jack's crew will not be returning as well? Half the fun of the first three films was Jack and Barbossa's recurring crew members. I'm sorry, but I just don't think that the fourth film will be the same without Gibbs, Pintel, Ragetti, Cotton and Marty. They're just too much fun.

Now, the Fountain of Youth storyline. Could be interesting, we'd be able to Jack Sparrow try and cheat death once again, and I am looking forward to seeing him share the screen with Barbossa again as well. The complex relationship between the two of them is always fun to watch. But as far as story goes? I'm skeptical as to the success of a fourth movie when the third one wasn't all that great. And all the actors dropping out? I don't know, call me crazy, but Disney may be going for their first ever cash grab! I know, I know, crazy...

I'll see it when it comes out in 2011, but honestly, I'm not expecting much as far as story goes.

- The BlueScreener

Sherlock Holmes Flick

2010-01-27T09:28:00.000-08:00

Greetings.

Last month I had the opportunity to see Guy Ritchie's adaptation of Sherlock Holmes, starring Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law, on the big screen. This film is the first cinematic adaptation of 'Holmes' in 77 years, and I must say, they did an amazing job.

(Warning: the following contains plot spoilers). The film opens with the titular character and eccentric detective Sherlock Holmes and his long suffering assistant Dr. John Watson tracking down a new villain, black magician Lord Blackwood (played by Mark Strong). The duo, aided by Inspector Lestrade (Eddie Marson), arrest Lord Blackwood before he can sacrifice a young woman in an occultic ritual, apparently to bolster his powers. Blackwood is sentenced to hang by the neck, which he does, barely 20 minutes into the film. But, lo and behold! Lord Blackwood rises from the grave, cheating death and now more powerful than ever! Watson is skeptical; he checked Blackwood's pulse himself and declared him dead. Holmes calmly gathers clues and deduces within his mind facts that we do not discover until the final 10 minutes. On top of it all, Holmes' old flame, the only woman to ever outwit him (twice), Irene Adler (Rachel McAdams) reenters his life with an agenda of her own.

The acting was superb. Robert Downey Jr. captured Holmes' character and quirks perfectly, and acted out his eccentric persona with ensuing hilarity. Jude Law perfectly fitted Watson's trademark image seemlessly, sporting the traditional huge mutton chops. I don't even like Jude Law and I found his acting incredible!

The plot was well-rounded, and left you guessing until the very end. (Major spoiler): I loved how Sherlock, upon cornering Blackwood at the film's climax, revealed the secret to his 'magic' through pure logic and observation. The acting, as I've stated, was incredible, with the exception I think of Rachel McAdams, who's performance almost felt forced in comparison to Robert Downey Jr.'s. The soundtrack was different, but still well done, something of a combination of a high strung guitar and a ukulele (My mother later told me she hated it).

One thing that bothered me about the film was the preceding hype that Holmes and Watson are gay. Why does society needlessly conclude that because two men are close, they must be gay? Watson's not gay, he's getting married. And Holmes may share a house with Watson, but that was common for the time period. There is nothing even remotely homosexual about these characters. What vexes me the most is that the publishers have threatened to pull the rights to the sequel because Robert Downey Jr. hinted at the undertones in the two character's relationship. Please.

In conclusion, Sherlock Holmes was a great film. It held me until the end and is great to view twice in one week (which I did). It ranked number 2 in my Christmas films list, falling only behind James Cameron's Pocahontas, er, I mean, Avatar. I anticipate having the special edition on my shelf, and I look forward to the sequel (Can you say, Moriarty, people??).

- The BlueScreener

Spider Man 4 now Spider Man 1.2??

2010-01-21T11:06:00.000-08:00

Greetings.

Okay, so it's been a little while since my introductory post. That's the life of a college student for you. But, I'm here now, and will take this time to comment on Sony Pictures rather shocking decision to reboot the Sam Raimi Spider Man film series.

Announced on January 11th, 2010, the new Spider Man films are taking Peter Parker back to high school and showing us the origin (again) of his spectacular spidey-sense. The reboot birthed out of a disagreement over the script of the now scrapped Spider Man 4, and will not feature Tobey Maguire or Kirsten Dunst in their respective roles as Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson. Director Sam Raimi has also got the boot.

Now, I'm not gonna lie, I never really cared for these movies, with the exception of maybe the first. Tobey Maguire is too awkward an actor to play the web-slinging Spider Man, and Kirsten Dunst had more screaming than actual dialogue, especially in the second film. The romantic subplot in Spider Man 2 was murder, and only held together by Mary Jane's excessive dippiness. And for some reason, the soundtrack just flat bugged me. But still, a reboot this soon? Spider Man 3 was only released two and a half years ago, people. You're not pleasing the audience, you're just killing the franchise. Yeah, Hulk (2003) was rebooted and the Fantastic 4 series has one in the works, but those movies sucked and quite frankly needed a good reboot (2008's The Incredible Hulk wasn't all that bad, either). The Spider Man movies weren't my favorite, but they were financially successful and critically praised (overlooking the third installment, here). People are not going to accept a new Spider Man film series when the first one is so new. And I cringe to think that actors like Willam Defoe (Norman Osborne), James Franco (Harry Osborne), Rosemary Harris (Aunt May), and J. K. Simmons (J. Jonah Jameson), who acted their parts superbly, will probably not be reprising their roles.

On the other hand, a new series means that there is definitely room for improvement withing the franchise. I would like to see a better actor play Peter (not Robert Pattison, dear Lord, NO!) and to have more focus on his sarcastic, witty side. I would also like to have the first movie focus on Gwen Stacy rather than Mary Jane (any true Spider Man fan knows that she is Parker's true love. If you don't believe me, read Marvel's "House of M"). I personally hated the way Gwen was portrayed in Spider Man 3. She is pivotal to Spider Man's origin and deserves to be put before Mary Jane. This new series is also a great opportunity to do Venom right (especially with the spin-off only a couple years away). At first I really looking forward to see how they do these new movies, and eagerly hope that they do them right. However, my common sense (my spidey-sense, that is) then reminds me that the negatives far outweigh the positives, and a new series will more than likely just screw up the franchise even more.

I think that Sony's just looking for a cash-grab here and really has no interest in making a good series. I balk at the thought of audiences seeing the preview and going: "Huh? Didn't we just see this??" and then not go out of a lack of interest. When will you learn, comics people?? When...will...you...learn?!

- The BlueScreener.

I'm Bahk

2010-01-12T10:49:00.000-08:00

Greetings.

Well, fellow students, the first semester gave way to a great Christmas holiday, which has now come and past, leaving us in the throws of a winter semester. This blog, originally meant as homework for my Writing for the Media class, has fulfilled its purpose and left me with a final grade of 90%. But must the blog die?

With no academic purpose, I am now able to direct my blog in my own direction. It will now serve as a review for movies and television shows, give comic book commentaries, and critique the realms of fantasy and sci-fi as a whole.

In the past, I have written about certain films and comic books. Some of these early posts will be revisited, but many will tackle new concepts, such as the comparison between Pocahontas and Avatar, whether a Spider Man film reboot is a good idea, what the X-Men trilogy would have been like if I wrote it, and the future of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise (just to name a few).

Being a devout Christian, I will try my hardest to uphold the blog with all integrity and portray an attitude and demeanor fitting of a Godly person. I am not perfect, but I do try to make my Faith known to others, especially when it comes to my love of media.

Assuming anyone still reads this thing, I look forward to posting and having my posts read and pondered. Until then, good luck and God bless.

- The BlueScreener

New Moon? Try, FULL Moon!

2009-12-01T22:28:00.000-08:00

Greetings.

Tonight I was able to view the trailer for next February's The Wolfman in its entirety.

As the title suggests, the movie is about a man turned werewolf. It is a remake of the 1941 classic horror film of the same name, and is directed by Joe Johnston (Jurassic Park III, Hidalgo) and stars Benicio del Toro, Anthony Hopkins, Emily Blunt, Hugo Weaving and Art Malik.

I am personally pumped for the film. Of all the legendary horror monsters, the werewolf appeals to me the most. I find myself drawn to films portraying the creator. My favorite Harry Potter movie to date is The Prisoner of Azkaban namely for its werewolf subplot.

I have high hopes for the movie. Joe Johnston has some moderate directing credits to his name, but was involved with the classic Star Wars trilogy as the effects illustrator and designer.
On a side note, he is set to direct The First Avenger: Captain America for a May, 2011 release.

I am looking forward to the movie and its depiction of the legendary creature. Honestly, I really want to see how the true werewolf kicks the poop out of the pansie werewolves from New Moon. They give lycanthropes everywhere a bad, bad name.

-The BlueScreener

Onion Tales

2009-11-30T21:33:00.000-08:00

Nation's Fast Food Patrons No Longer Trusted To Dispense Own Ketchup

November 16, 2009 | Issue 45•46

Ketchup is not, as many seem to believe, an unlimited commodity.

WASHINGTON—In an effort to cut condiment expenses and address the gluttony, waste, and utter lack of self-restraint exhibited by Americans, officials from the fast food industry announced Monday a new policy prohibiting all customers from dispensing their own ketchup.

"We thought our patrons were responsible enough to handle a self-service ketchup pump," said McDonald's CEO James A. Skinner, who claimed that fast food industry leaders were partially to blame for overestimating the maturity of the American public. "However, after watching the way you disgusting people behave when entrusted with a little independence, it's clear that we made a terrible mistake."

"Unlimited access to ketchup is a privilege," Skinner continued, "not a right."

According to representatives from the nation's six largest fast food chains, Americans use more than $18 million worth of ketchup per year, with nearly $7 million of the tomato-based condiment ending up smeared on the backs of chairs, on nearby tables, or in the hair of small children, and in some cases simply spilt in large, repulsive puddles on the floor.

In all, some 220 factors were cited by the American Fast Food Association in their decision to remove the self-service pumps. Among them, the spectacular failure on the part of all patrons to recognize their own limits, and the tendency, among many men and women, to just squirt out the free condiment as if their lives depended on it.

From now on, those seeking extra ketchup will be required to submit a non-stained written application.

"We tried to treat our customers like adults, and they took advantage of our generosity," said Burger King CEO John W. Chidsey, who was visibly upset after hearing that Americans use on average 14 ounces of ketchup per fast food meal. "What's wrong with you people? Were you scared it was going to run out or something?"

"Look, it's not even about the ketchup, okay?" Swette added. "It's about setting some boundaries for once."

Beginning Nov. 12, all participating fast food restaurants will begin serving a maximum of two ketchup packets with any hamburger-based meal. If a patron desires additional ketchup, he or she will have to fill out a special three-page Ketchup Request Form, which must then be presented to a manager on duty for evaluation.

In addition to specifying the reason for their request, customers will have to present fast food officials with two forms of valid ID, their social security number, and a signature from a third-party witness who can attest to there being enough remaining ketchup-free food to necessitate an additional packet. Only when all conditions are met will a patron receive a condiment voucher.

Patrons requesting barbecue sauce to dip their fries in will be escorted from the premises immediately.

"Our scientists don't spend countless hours manufacturing the food we serve just to have it dunked and drowned in obscene amounts of ketchup," said J. David Karam, president of Wendy's International. "Can customers even taste the dipropyl ketone or amyl acetate in our food anymore? It makes me sick."

Reaction to the new condiment policy has been overwhelmingly negative thus far, with some patrons claiming they would sooner eat lunch at home than frequent a fast food establishment that imposes limits on their ketchup consumption.

"This is outrageous," said Tennessee resident Sheila Hodge, a longtime fast food consumer. "If I want to gorge myself on so much ketchup that I need to vomit, then that should be my God-given right. This is McDonald's we're talking about. Half the reason I come here in the first place is so I can behave like a total animal."

At press time, the Arby's chain was continuing to let customers freely operate their "horsey sauce" dispenser, as nobody in America has touched that {crap} in years.

A&E Presents: James, An Autobiographical Angle

2009-11-25T20:38:00.000-08:00

James Hilton, aged 19, was born in Wetaskiwin Alberta on January 4th, 1990. He resided in the small city until he was 5, when his family of four, himself, parents, and newborn younger brother, immigrated to Northern Alberta. They would stay their for 12 years before God called them back to Wetaskiwin.

James Hilton exhibited signs of artistic talent even at a young age. He picked up his first crayola marker when he was six months old. By the time he was five, he was creating stories on paper featuring crude but still distinguishable stick figures in the likeness of Looney Tunes characters.

Throughout his life, he cultivated his talent, learning the laws and physics of cartooning. His years of practicing resulted in his ability to draw his own characters, further enhancing the creativeness of his stories. His objective was to perfect the design of his art to use them in what he considered the height of story telling: cinema.

For most of his life, James always knew he wanted to be in cinema, whether it be film or television. Before he was about 13, he was confident that his future lay in cartoon writing the like of Garfield and Calvin and Hobbes. When his stories, usually science fiction in nature and composed of highly complex plots, exceeding the creative capacity of a four-panel comic strip, James realized that he needed to be in cinema.

He continued to harness his artistic talent to be used for his stories, which sometimes took years of working to shape. His sole goal in everything was to tell stories to the world, and he wanted to use the characters he created to do that.

He is currently enrolled at Providence College in Otterburne, Manitoba, finally pursuing his dream through a major in Communications and Media.

Banned Family Guy Episode

2009-11-24T12:36:00.000-08:00

Greetings.

FOX's hit series Family Guy is well-known for its crude, sometimes extremely insensitive, humor. Most of the time the FCC lets the writers get away with it, but occasionally Seth MacFarlane and his chums over at FOX concoct something so crass even the Comedy Network won't air it.

There have been only two episodes so far banned from TV. The first was Season 3's "When You Wish Upon a Weinstein," which was criticized for its heavy focus on Jewish jokes (it aired on Adult Swim three years later, when television's standards had been lowered slightly).

The most recent one is an upcoming Season 8 episode entitled "Partial Terms of Endearment". The plot revolves around Lois becoming a surrogate mother for a neighbor. When the neighbor unexpectedly dies several months later, Lois considers having an abortion.

Apparently, the big controversy is in the very last scene. The episode supposedly ends with the Griffin family's decision uncertain, leaving the audience to decide what Lois did. Several seconds into the credits, Peter appears and says: "She did it."

Personally, I'm disappointed. If not for that last line, this could have been an interesting and thought-provoking episode, something Family Guy is not usually known for.

Well done, Seth MacFarlane. You've sold out for the sake of a sick joke. We're all impressed.

-The BlueScreener

A&E Presents: Jay Cee, The Man Who Made Basketball... Cool

2009-11-23T18:36:00.001-08:00

The Life and Times of Jay-Cee Brass.

Jay-Cee Brass was born of the native culture in Edmonton, Alberta in 1991. The doctors in the operating room pronounced him alive upon birth, and his birth certificate reflects this bold declaration.

He first formed his unhealthy obsession with basketball in British Columbia in Grade 5. After he had his first "Shaq Attack", he knew what he wanted to do with his life.

He attended Norquay High School, somewhere in the vast nothingness of Saskatchewan. He was the sole survivor of the Great Cow War that claimed the lives of every student but himself. To this day, he eats hamburgers solely as an act of vengeance.

What drew him to basketball? Playing defense...blocking people...hitting the three ball. No one knows for sure. All they know is that he revolutionized the sport.

He became a council member of the Greater Rural Region of Canada's Basketball Playing and Otherwise Sports Obsessed Community, or G.R.R.O.C.B.P.A.O.S.O.O. There, he enforced new rules into the sport including limiting the number of teams on the court to two, as opposed to thirty-six, only using basketball-style basketballs and not other balls like bowling balls, and mandating that players always where their shorts.

His current life's ambition is to break people's ankles out on the court, where it's legal.

When asked for a few words of wisdom, he imparted a simple "Winners never quit, and quitters never win. Uuuuuuuuuur!"

He is currently enrolled at Providence College taking his major in Basketball, where he hopes to take steps to turn it into a major religion.

Roadtrip: The Event

2009-11-18T14:42:00.000-08:00

Short Narrative: Personal Interest

On Friday, November 13th, Graeme Unrau prepared to head home from school with a little more luggage than usual.

He was traveling to his hometown of McGregor, a small town west of Winnipeg, with two friends, James Hilton and Evan Maier, in tow. The trip began at roughly 5:30 p.m. from the Providence College parking lot with James riding shotgun. Graeme loaded his and his friend's luggage, starting up the engine of his 91 Cutless, and they three hit the road.

The sun had nearly set by the time they left, and after Graeme had been driving for 20 minutes it was pitch dark outside. He past the time with his friends by constantly retuning his car’s radio and frequently adjusting the volume. Coming up on Portage for food and beverages. He made his small purchases at a local convenience store with Evan while James entered a nearby Subway. Now fully nourished, they proceeded on their journey with Evan having stolen shotgun from James.

The road was dark and the ride was mostly quiet now, save for an occasional comment on politics or music. Graeme found the two hour drive with his friends peaceful, and he enjoyed watching the prairies rolls by. The stars shown brightly in the night sky, putting on a dazzling light show fully visible away from the lights of the city center. The car’s heater overpowered the chilly air from outside. The drive passed slowly, allowing Graeme time to quietly reflect on his week at school. Homework, assignments, group meetings, they all crossed his thoughts. He also became more and more excited for the weekend ahead. It wasn’t all the time that he was to bring friends over to his house from school.

He rolled into his countryside driveway at around 7:30 p.m., and were greeted by a small group of farm cats and an enthusiastic dog named Snoopy. The three friends entered the cozy Unrau dwelling and made themselves at home in the basement.

For Graeme, the weekend flow by too quickly. A lazy Friday evening watching ‘The Protector’ on air mattresses soon gave way to a sun-filled Saturday of hiking in the pastures, playing tournaments of Risk, and watching ‘Fanboys’. He bonded with his two friends, and enjoyed introducing them to his parents, siblings and cousins. Finally, Sunday rolled around and he was anticipating the service at his fundamentalist Mennonite church. He thinks his friends enjoyed the different service, despite having to have the rituals explained to them throughout. He socialized with his cousins and friends that he hadn’t seen since the weekend prior, making his two friends wait beside him awkwardly. However, a delicious steak lunch with his family was more than enough to make amends.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. Thus, Sunday afternoon Graeme packed up with his two friends and prepared to head back to Providence College, taking with them a belly full of real food and and some very fond memories.

-The BlueScreener

Harry Potter and the Stoned Cinematographer

2009-11-17T19:15:00.000-08:00

Greetings.

Recently I watched the first two Harry Potter movies for the first time (Being a sci fi/fantasy buff, I felt the compulsion to do so). The first film, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, was released in 2001, the same year The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring was released. All I can say is, while enjoyable, this ain't no LOTR!

First off, the cheesiness. The Chamber of Secrets for instance... this room has been undiscovered in Hogwarts Castle for hundreds of years by the absolute best of wizards in the world...then some 12-year-old kid comes along, strings together a couple of barely unrelated and randomly discovered clues and finds it? And this kid, who has no fighting experience whatsoever and has basically lived in a closet his whole life can just pick up a sword and kill a Besalisk and defeat Lord Voldermort just by touching him? Right...

Speaking of villains, let's take a stroll through the Forbidden Forest and pay a visit to Aragog the big scary spider, shall we? Seriously, does a CGI spider really cost that much money? A giant ball of fur with huge, cartoon eyes that swivel? Weta Digital gives Return of the King Shelob, the studio behind Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets gives us a giant Muppet. Please.

Lastly, the ending of each movie. Harry Potter, usually injured from his 'huge' battle or getting commended for breaking the rule (albeit to save people), asks Dumbledor something along the lines of: "Dumbledor, I don't understand...how can this movie make sense with the 14 blaring plot holes scattered throughout?" "Magic," Dumbledor calmly replies. "It's all magic." Say WHAAAAAAT?

The worst part is, I'm planning on watching the third. Help me, Gandalf.

-The BlueScreener

That's What R2 Said

2009-11-17T06:36:00.000-08:00

Greetings.

Monday morning! ...okay, it's Tuesday, but I was working on my Devotional Classic assignment until late and forgot to blog. :P

As my emoticon would attest, I blundered. But, I am blogging twice today, so it's all good!

Now, without further ado, I present the Top Ten Star Wars "That's What She Said" Moments: (Yes, they are exactly what they sound like)

10. “Aren’t you a little short for a Stormtrooper?”

9. “I never knew I had it in me.”

8. “Hey, point that thing someplace else!”

7. “You got something jammed in here real good.”

6. “Back door huh? Good Idea.”

5. “Look at the size of that thing!”

4. “Get in there you big, smelly oaf. I don’t care what you smell.”

3. “You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.”

2. “And I thought they smelled bad on the outside.”

1. “Luke, at that speed will you be able to pull out in time?”

Yeah, I know. I'm twisted.

-The BlueScreener

The Blog WITHOUT A PLOT!!!

2009-11-13T11:55:00.000-08:00

Greetings.

I have nothing to write about!!

You are now being enveloped into the plot-less void that is my blog!

"There is no life in the Void, only death" ~Sauron

Feel yourself float through the murky blackness. The horror! THE HORROR!

I am sitting in class as we speak, er....write!

If there were walls, they’d be closing in, trapping you for eternity!

But not just yourself, me as well!

What is there for a college student to blog about when he has nothing to blog about except the fact the he indeed doesn’t have anything to blog about?!

(Hey, that worked pretty well, actually!)

-The BlueScreener

Dollhouse, Dead at 26 Episodes

2009-11-12T19:08:00.000-08:00

Dollhouse, an American science fiction television series, was tragically cancelled by FOX on November 11th, 2009.

Dollhouse was created by writer-director Joss Whedon, the genius who inspired a generation with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The first season of Dollhouse ran from February to May 2009. Thirteen episodes were filmed, but only twelve were aired in the United States. The final episode, "Epitaph One" was not aired there due to contract difficulties, but was later released on DVD. The second season premiered on September 25, 2009. After four episodes, the show was put on hiatus in the United States during November, but was scheduled to return in December with back-to-back double episodes. FOX officially cancelled the series on November 11, 2009 during production of the 11th episode but will air all thirteen episodes that were ordered. The series follows Echo, a "doll", or "Active", for the Dollhouse, an organization which hires out reprogrammable human beings to wealthy clients who use them for a range of purposes. Echo, like her fellow dolls Victor and Sierra, exists in a child-like blank state, until a programmer uploads her with the skills and memories to make her a completely new and unique person. Echo, however, is unique in remembering small amounts even after personality "wipes", and gradually develops an increasingly cognizant self-awareness and personality. Dollhouse's glorious series premier pulled in an impressive 260,000 viewers in the U.K., while its entire first season saw an astounding average of 3.73 million viewers per episode. However, it did not have the viewers or cultural impact of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The show starred Eliza Dushku, Harry J. Lennix, Fran Kranz, Tahmoh Penikett, Enver Gjokaj, Dichen Lachman, and Olivia Williams. Buffy the Vampire Slayer starred Sarah Michelle Gellar.

The show is survived by fan Dr. Nicholas Greco, and other less-obsessive fans, who possibly may number into the dozens.

May Dollhouse rest in peace along with Buffy Summers, everyone's favorite vampire slayer. Watch strong, Whedon fans. Watch strong.

-The BlueScreener

Furbieland

2009-11-10T21:21:00.000-08:00

Greetings.

Here's a short bit for a post-apocalyptic monster movie that I made up, just now.

Furbieland.

Premise: Back in the 90's when the Furby was invented, toy marketers decided to make these annoying little buggers even better by giving them artificial sentience. One added aspect of this was the ability to feed the stuffed toys actual food, followed by the pleasure of being able to pick up their poop. However, most of the 40 million people who bought them fed them raw meat, because 'They're not real; they don't need to have their food cooked". Unfortunately, they did. The raw meat gave the Furby's a vicious bloodlust. Their infectious bite turned all victims into gigantic Furby's, and their drive for human flesh drove them past even the best Energizer battery limits. As the Furby infection spread, the world as we knew it plunged into chaos and gave way to the madness of: Furbieland.

Opening line, narrated: "Welcome to America. At least, it used to be. You can't really have a country without people...this is the United States of Furbieland."

A man jumps over a burning car followed by several blood-splattered Furbies. The Furbies overtake him and proceed to rip him apart.

Narrator: "The first rule of Furbieland: Cardio. When the Furbie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons... were the fatties."

A fat guy is running down a football field with a ravenous Furbie in hot pursuit. The fat dude tires out and the Furbie jumps on the back of his neck and bites him. Repeatedly.

(These opening shots establish that the Furbies are in control. Various narrations by the main character foretell the rise of the Furbies, how most humans were eaten or turned into Furbies, and his personal rules for survival)

...

A woman is being chased by a psychotic Furby with tendrils hanging from its mouth. She screams, it snarls. She uses her shotgun to shoot the Furbie once in the head. The Furbie falls over, and she closes in to investigate. The Furbie jumps up and bites her on the leg, taking her down. She screams as dozens of screeching Furbies move in and dog-pile on her.

Narrator: "In those moments where you're not quite sure if the undead Furbies are really dead, dead, don't get all stingy with your bullets. I mean, one more clean shot to the head, and this lady could have avoided becoming a human Happy Meal. Woulda... coulda... shoulda."

(The movie focuses on a small group and their quest for survival. Along the way they encounter and kill dozens of Furbies, Bill Murray who is mistaken for a Furbie and shot, and lots of guns with which to kill the Furbies)

Coming to a theater near you, June 2014!!!!!!!

-The BlueScreener

Fall of the Machines

2009-11-09T19:25:00.000-08:00

Greetings.

What is it with the Internet at this school anyway?

It was unreliable when we first got it, it’s up and down now...you have no idea how hard it was to get this blog online!

As my friend Evan would attest, computers can be so darned unreliable. This is problematic, given that we rely on them for pretty much everything.

What is going to happen when Facebook, Twitter, blogs, chat rooms, YouTube, and the Information Superhighway as we know it is gone forever? That’s going to be chaos the likes of which I saw in Zombieland on Saturday (and people like poor Bill Murray are going to pay the price!).

Maybe this is what the Mayans were predicting, and is subsequently going to be the plot of the film, for 2012! Computers will cease operating and humanity plunges into another Dark Ages. Y2K is just 12 years late! This all makes sense now!

2012! Y2K! Nostradamus's’s weekly doomsday prophesies! They’re all connected! (This is sarcasm)

Not completely far-fetched though. During dorm study time, which is usually spent on the aforementioned site Youtube, we actually find we have to study! Cue the chaos and anarchy!

-The BlueScreener

A Look at Paul Newman

2009-11-04T20:50:00.000-08:00

Paul Newman, aged 83, American actor, film director, entrepreneur, humanitarian, and auto racing enthusiast, died of lung cancer on September 26, 2008.

Newman was born in Shaker Heights, Ohio, the son of immigrants from Poland and Hungary. Newman showed an early interest in theater; at the age of seven he made his acting debut in a school production of Robin Hood. He graduating from Shaker Heights High School in 1943 and briefly attended Ohio University. His first Hollywood movie was the 1954 film The Silver Chalice, which ushered him into a successful career as an actor, director and producer that spanned from the 50s to the early new millennium. His filmography includes Exodus (1960), The Hustler (1961), Cool Hand Luke (1967), The Towering Inferno (1974), Slap Shot (1977), Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) and The Sting (1973). In 1982, Newman founded Newman's Own, a line of food products that donates all proceeds, after taxes, to charity. As of early 2006, the franchise has donated in excess of $250 million. One beneficiary of his philanthropy is the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp, a residential summer camp for terminally ill children, located in Ashford, Connecticut. He received an honorary Academy Award in 1986 for his "many and memorable and compelling screen performances" and the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award for his charity work in 1994, among a plethora of other awards and recognitions. Newman announced in 2007 that he would retire from acting, stating, "You start to lose your memory, you start to lose your confidence, you start to lose your invention. So I think that's pretty much a closed book for me."

He was succeeded by his second wife, actress Joanne Woodward, and their three daughters, Elinor "Nell" Teresa, Melissa "Lissy" Stewart and Claire "Clea" Olivia. The Newmans currently live in Westport, Connecticut.

His remains were cremated after a private funeral service near his home in Westport.

It's Arrested Development

2009-11-03T20:12:00.000-08:00

Greetings.

Tonight a buddy and me had the privilege of borrowing another friend's first season DVD of Arrested Development.

I personally love this show. It's the "Story of a family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together". The humor is clever, the stories are well written, and the family dynamic is hilarious.

Unfortunately, it's not always the cleanest show (in my opinion though it's still better than Family Guy). To my dismay, the extended pilot on the first disc wasn't censored at all.

Why, oh TV executives? Why is it necessary to include so much garbage in an otherwise perfect TV show? Wouldn't the show function so much better without the gratuitous use of the F-Bomb? Why, oh why oh why?

Oh, well. I've only seen ever seen half the first season before, so I guess I'll see how the rest plays out. I've got high hopes though, and I really do recommend the show.

Watch it! NOW!

-The BlueScreener

Justice League Movie Back in Business?

2009-11-02T19:13:00.000-08:00

Greetings.

Warner Brothers, owner of the film rights to DC Comics, has had a Justice League movie in development since the superhero movie boom at the beginning of this decade.

However, various instances such as disagreeing producers and the 2007-2008 Writers Guild Strike of America kept the project from taking flight. After much trouble finding a script and even more trouble with the various departments at DC, Warner Brothers shelved the film indefinitely.

Now, it seems as if the studio thinks they can make the project work again. It is currently undergoing a massive overhaul as the directors try to find the story. From what Wikipedia tells me (Yeah, that's sarcasm) they want it in theaters within the next few years.

Unfortunately, I just don't see how a Justice League movie can work at this point. Unlike Marvel, DC hasn't been so quick to capitalize on its plethora of superhero titles. Marvel, with Iron Man and the Hulk already 'cinemized' and Captain America and Thor on the way, have every right to be optimistic about their Avenger's film. DC, unfortunately, only has movies for two of J.L.'s members, Batman and Superman (the latter is also currently getting a reboot after the dismal 2006 movie).

Warner Brothers has to focus on individual movies for the Justice League members before they think about a giant cross-over! Green Lantern is set for a 2011 release and there's probably another Nolan Batman film around the corner, but DC has barely looked at the other core members! Wonder Woman (which has already had problems getting out of Development Hell), Martian Manhunter, Aquaman, Flash...let's not put the cart ahead of the horse here, Warner Brothers! Get these guys looked after- do them right, don't rush them- then think about a Justice League movie!

I'm sorry, but what I'm smelling here is a giant cash-grab as DC is trying to compete with Marvel's success. And I even like DC Comics better!

I just think it's way too early to be focusing on Justice League. DC films have a long way to come, especially since Nolan has worked to put his Batman in a franchise of its own with these last two movies. Somehow I don't see Christian Bale agreeing to share the spotlight with the rest of DC Comics (I personally agree with him).

As someone who loves comic books, I'm entitled to hate the movie adaptations. So far that list consists of Spider Man 3, the Fantastic Four movies, Superman Returns, and X-Men 3: The Last Stand. Please, Warner Brothers, don't make me hate Justice League too!

-The BlueScreener

Collisions Expected to Triple

2009-10-30T16:09:00.000-07:00

Good Evening, Providence.

As many of you on campus already know, it's Halloween. And what does that mean? Candy, costumes, a banquet in Bergen Lounge. What does that also mean? A higher risk of collision.

A report taken three weeks ago indicates that 1 in every 9 students collides with another student on a weekly basis. These collision usually occur in high traffic areas such as the SLC, cafeteria, and lounges. Cellphones and texting while walking are leading contributing factors.

Unfortunately, the number of collisions always rises around a holiday. Research suggests that the number of student to student collisions could triple over the weekend.

Some students who witnessed the 5 student pile-up in the cafeteria on Wednesday do not wish to see that happen.

"No, absolutely not!" said one traumatized student. "No one should have to see a collision like that. Do you know how hard it was to see that pileup? My friend was at the bottom, a tray was on her chest...ketchup had ruined her blouse...it was awful!"

We are encouraging people to take steps (no pun intended) to avoid colliding with another student, such as looking where you're going, not talking on your phone while walking, and keeping a safe distance from oncoming students.

We wish you a Happy Halloween, and remember, walk safely.

-The BlueScreener

Dormroom of Horror

2009-10-29T19:10:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

It's that time of year again. Time to dig out some exotic and outlandish costume for the annuel Providence Halloween festivities.

The banquet starts tomorrow night at 8, and personally I'm looking forward to seeing what all my friends are donning for costumes.

My roommate and several friends are going as the Scooby Doo gang.

I myself plan to go as a mummy, thanks to the ten rolls of toilet paper I swiped from Taylor.

I don't care what anybody says, dressing up in weird and goofy costumes once a year is flat fun. Plus, the free candy you get out of the deal is an added bonus!

To my fellow Prov students and anyone bored enough to be reading, have a happy Halloween!

-The BlueScreener

The Onion Rip

2009-10-28T22:02:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

Today for Media class we perused several online articles in search for the fabled and possibly mythical Nut Graf. One article on The Onion was considered funny enough to put in my Blog:

Investigators Determine Air France Disaster Caused By Plane Crash

June 19, 2009 | Issue 45•25

Investigators first suspected a crash when they examined wreckage of Flight 447 and found it to be in the ocean.

PARIS—After more than two weeks of analyzing flight records, cockpit radio transmissions, and floating ocean debris, investigators determined Thursday that the tragic events of Air France Flight 447 were in all likelihood caused by a "giant plane crash."

The shocking discovery, announced during a press conference Friday, finally sheds light on what took place in the early hours of June 1, and answers a number of puzzling questions about the mysterious mid-flight disaster.

"We can now say, with complete confidence, that Air France Flight 447 was brought down by an unscheduled and unforeseen plane crash," lead French investigator Michel Villon stated. "Indeed, a survey of all the evidence indicates that this terrible tragedy was the direct result of a large airliner falling suddenly from the sky, dropping 30,000 feet, and colliding with the Atlantic Ocean at extremely high speeds."

"This is devastating news, to say the least," Villon continued. "Hopefully our findings here will help bring some closure to the families most affected by this horrible event."

French and Brazilian authorities said their first hint that the tragedy was caused by a plane crash came last week, when divers recovered several large metal fragments from Air France Flight 447 that were not fused together in one solid mass, as is typical of a functioning aircraft. The fragments were then analyzed and found not to be airborne or otherwise soaring intact across the sky. The final clue, they said, was that certain key features of the crash site in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean seemed to be consistent with a huge commercial airliner having crashed there.

The discovery of deceased Flight 447 passengers further supported the so-called "plane crash" theory, as investigators claimed these men and women would most likely have already arrived in Paris had the Airbus jet not gone down.

While the aircraft's black box has yet to be recovered, officials speculated that the simple fact that they are currently searching for it corroborates their theory of a plane crash.

"It took us a long time to figure out exactly what led to this unspeakable event," said Brazilian aviation expert Federico Lobão, who spent countless hours carefully studying footage of the wreckage. "Never could we have imagined that something like a plane crash could be behind such a catastrophic plane crash."

Lobão is lead author of a 450-page report that cites a projectile of steel suddenly spiraling downward with incredible force as the main cause of the Air France tragedy. With his team's findings, a number of competing theories have been put to rest. Among them: that the disaster was triggered by a pack of wolves let loose aboard the aircraft; that all 228 people aboard died instantly from heart disease, natural causes, or possibly some form of diabetes; terrorism; that something went terribly wrong during a standard layover 3,000 feet below sea level; terrorism again; and pilot error.

According to the FAA, plane crashes are responsible for nearly 98 percent of all mid-flight catastrophes and an estimated 100 percent of all aircraft-related deaths. In response to these frightening statistics, airline officials have announced they will be instituting a number of preventive measures in hopes of avoiding future accidents. So far, these include requiring pilots to keep an aircraft up in the air at all times following takeoff, and not allowing an airliner carrying hundreds of travelers to plummet rapidly into the ground.

"We are currently doing everything we can to stop any unnecessary collisions with the ground from taking place during our flights,” Air France CEO Pierre Sturges said. “While we work to figure out this whole not-crashing-planes-and-killing-passengers thing, people should keep in mind that the chances of their flight crashing are almost incalculably small and incredibly unlikely."

"Unless, of course, it does,” he added.

-The BlueScreener

Mood Swings

2009-10-27T21:40:00.001-07:00

Greetings.

Tonight, my fellow dorm mates here in Moody engaged in a sport usually attributed to that of 4th-graders: Knocking in people's doors and running away.

We started with our very own Matt Shantz. Unfortunately, Matt Shantz heard us, opened the door before our big surprise and attacked us with a crutch.

Ever persistent, we recruited Malcolm to knock on other people's doors with a ninja mask on and his shirt off while the other dozen of us waited with cameras.

Needless to say, we all had an awesome time!

I can honestly say it was a (rather immature-ish) blast!

Hopefully the pictures and videos turned out as funny as the memories!

-The BlueScreener

Sasquatch sited!!

2009-10-26T21:52:00.000-07:00

This just in!

7 hours ago, our station received a startling report of an alleged Sasquatch siting on the Providence College campus.

Several students maintain that it lumbered out of the woods by the Rat River, moseyed around by the garage building, and then lurched back into the dense foliage.

Two eyewitnesses gave their horrifying testimony.

"It was really tall and fat." said one.

"It was sorta short and skinny." said the other.

These accounts, given at the same time to the same interviewer, have provided researchers with years of new data to analyze.

Another student who wishes to remain anonymous, named Malcolm Montgomery, stated beyond a shadow of a doubt: "I looked at it, and my entire grasp on reality was jarred. I'll never be sure on anything again, which means I'll be forced to give up arguing for the sake of arguing."

A SWAT Team arrived moments after the Sasquatch disappeared and began setting up a perimeter. They are currently holding their positions.

"If it comes back," said the officer in charge, "We'll know."

Our team investigated the surrounding farms for clues as to the creature's current whereabouts.

"Yeh, I seen a Sasquatch," claimed an old farmer between Tobacco spits. "Course, it could'a been 'n' oddly shaped stump."

More on this story will be broadcast as soon as, or sometime after, it develops.

-The BlueScreener

Avenger's Movie Highly Anticipated

2009-10-23T17:32:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

I am extremely excited for the 2012 cinematic release of The Avengers!

The Avengers movie was first hinted at in the 2008 movie Iron Man. In the post-credit's scene, Tony Stark returns to his home and finds Nick Fury waiting for him. Fury tells Stark that he wishes to introduce him to "...the Avenger Initiative'. Another prelude came in the 2008 release of The Incredible Hulk when Tony Stark approaches General Ross in a bar at the end. The dialog proceeded as follows: Stark: "General Ross, I understand you have a bit of a problem." (referring to the Hulk) Ross: "You should talk." Stark: "You should listen."

More hints came with the background appearance of Captain America's shield in Iron Man, and a glimpse of Captain America himself encased in ice in a deleted scene of The Incredible Hulk.

The official announcement was made that the Avengers movie had been green-lit this past summer for a 2012 release.

Before that can happen, however, Marvel has to release movies for Thor and Captain America, both due summer 2011. If these films achieve critical and financial success, then Marvel will commit to Avengers.

Even if these movies do fail, there is nothing to worry about; comic book movies are notorious for their remakes. For instance, Superman and Fantastic Four are both getting a reboot after their respective let-downs in years past.

Which origin story the Avengers movie will be based off of, the original 1963 tale or the newer Ultimates version, has yet to be announced.

-The BlueScreener

Star Wars The Clone Wars: My Blunt Opinion

2009-10-22T21:27:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

I would like to take the last 33 minutes left in this day to talk about George Lucas' television series, 'Star Wars The Clone Wars'.

Clone Wars takes place in the three year gap between Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith and chronicles the adventures of Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and other Jedi Knights during the galaxy-wide war.

The big question among fans is, is this show worth watching? Clone Wars employs anime-style animation and beautiful CGI graphics. Some fans say this looks great, others say it makes everything look stupid.

The style works with most of the characters, with the exception of Yoda. The all-powerful and wise Jedi Master we admired in the original trilogy looks like a gremlin in this series. It's hard to take him seriously.

The plots are for the most part well rounded and driven. Unfortunately, the majority of season one predominantly featured Anakin showing up and saving the day. It got a little lame after a while. The second season, however, is taking a much darker turn. The Jedi Knights seem to have met their match with the plethora of deadly bounty hunters introduced. (Two words: Kick {expletive}!)

Suffice to say, I enjoy the show despite its shortcomings. I'll see where the second season takes me as far as action goes. Mostly, I enjoy it because it's a show my younger brother enjoys watching with me, so that sort of makes any lameness worthwhile.

-The BlueScreener

Yesterday's Top Stories Told Today!

2009-10-21T22:58:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

Today in Writing for the Media class we discussed how to properly write a lead for an article or story. We reviewed several headlines (leads) in our textbook and went over which ones were the most gripping.

The animated sitcom American Dad! employs a running gag of funny newspaper headlines in its opening theme (Much like the chalkboard gag in The Simpsons; it's different in each episode). I usually find these headlines quite humorous and worth sharing with my readers.

Some of the better Langley Falls Post headlines are:

"Economy Turns Corner, Falls Down Stairs"
"Bush Finally gets Joke About Last Name"
"Dems Take House, Republicans get Record Collection"
"Mexican President Creates New Taco Supreme Court"
"Britney Spears' Baby to Enter Pre-hab"
"Paper Mill to Town: 'You Smell Weird.'"
"Turkey Uprising Fails!"
"Al Gore Honors Carlos Mencia for Recycling Jokes"
"Son Regrets Teaching Dad how to Text Message"
"T-Shirt Idea Deemed 'Brilliant' by Friend"

Good lead ins, but based on Roger's personality, I assume the second paragraph's were quite weak.

-The BlueScreener

Canada's Worst Driver - Insurance Forms Division

2009-10-20T10:32:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

Check out these statements from insurance forms- forms where drivers had to describe the details of their car accident in the fewest words possible. These accounts were actually given!

- Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
- A truck backed through my windshield and into my wife's face.
- The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
- I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
- To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck a pedestrian.
- An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
- I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
- I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
- The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
- The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

Can you imagine the look on the insurance agent's face?

-The BlueScreener

It's not Delissio, it's Delivery!

2009-10-19T19:42:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

I would like to tell you about a taste... a taste of pure, unadulterated, mouth-watering goodness...

A taste of succulent pepperoni and nice, crispy bacon...

A taste of chewy, perfectly balance mozzarella and cheddar cheese spread over a delicately baked crust...

A taste of smokey chunks of meat, sensational in appearance and smell...

A taste of delectable tomato sauce daubed tenderly across thick, fluffy dough...

A taste completely un-mired by soggy veggies or repellent seafood stuffs...

A taste that brings men everywhere together and unites them under a common desire!...

Yeah... it’s a pizza. And it’s gooooooooood...

-The BlueScreener

A Review of 'My God and I'

2009-10-16T19:15:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

Today, our five-page reflections for Spit. Form was finally due.

My reflection was based off of Lewis B. Smede's memoir, My God and I. The following is a snippet from my exhaustively written and thoroughly researched literary opus:

My God and I is a record of a lifetime of emotions, growth, and pain. Smedes excellently conveys how he felt and why he felt a certain way, literally putting the reader in his position and giving him/her something to sympathize with. His recounts of family history and life circumstances are usually vague and nondescript, but his recollections of his feelings, fears, emotions, and struggles are greatly moving. His theology, however, is something else. He evolves from someone possessing the belief that God hates him and has doomed him to Hell to someone who believes that, while God is real, He is largely absent or completely unable to act. Driven by grief over the death of his son, Smedes is unable to belief that a just and loving God who is perfectly capable of stopping such a tragic thing would allow it to happen. Though his trust that God exists and is with him never wavers, he adopts the belief that God is too powerless to intervene in Earth’s affairs. Would I recommend this book? Yes and no. It gives us great insight into a powerful journey of someone so lost in himself and his own self-loathing and shows us how God rescued him. Smedes holds nothing back in his description of the loneliest portions of his life. My God and I showed me how God can reach even the most lost and disorientated of His sheep. However, the theology, in my opinion, is skewed. Smede’s belief system fluctuates over the course of his life, finally settling on devout Calvinism. Nevertheless, he doesn’t hold to the truth that God is in complete control. I recommend this book for those looking for examples of God’s amazing works, not those seeking theological truths.

-The BlueScreener

A&E Presents: Landon, An American Hero

2009-10-15T19:53:00.000-07:00

The Life and Times of Landon 'Treehugger' Oakes.

He was born in a log cabin that he built with his own two hand in Bemidji, Minnesota in the great year of 1990, the Year of our Lord.

He quickly rose through the academic ranks of Bemidji Elementary, Middle and High School to become the kind of guy who impersonates himself at parties. He graduated 287th in a class of 312.

He proposed to his High School sweetheart with a ring pop and the two of them later divorced, got engaged, had 4 kids, married, and had a lovely honeymoon (or roughly in that order).

After getting fired from his job at the local bakery, where he was tasked with acting as a stool for his 337 pound Swedish boss, he set off to tame the Canadian frontier, bringing only his trusty Musk Ox and a bag of Twizzlers Licorice.

Being a veteran of the Zombie Civil War, fought between America and France over a week ago, he adapted to the harsh Canadian environment with ease.

However, Landon realized that, being an American, he was ostracized from most social clubs such as pottery classes and voting booths. So, he enrolled randomly at Providence College and majored in Philosophy, because he thought the class was studying 'The Love of Sophie'.

He excelled in his studies, quickly becoming the valedictorian in his class of 1 and becoming the envy of all his fellow students.

What are his plans for the future? "I 'unno. Ha ha ha ha ha hahahahah!"

Landon currently resides in a room in Moody resembling an insane asylum cell that looks strikingly similar to the insane asylum cell he was once committed to in Alabama.

Hmm....

2009-10-14T21:39:00.000-07:00

Good evening, Providence.

Yesterday morning, October 13th, the United Church in my hometown Wetaskiwin burned to the ground. There is nothing left but a smoking pile of cinders and rubble.

The church was a landmark in Wetaskiwin; easily identified by its large pointed steeple that was visible from many blocks. The loss of the church has been a bit of a sharp hit for me; though I am a Christian, I attended Building Blocks (i.e., kindergarten) there as a child with all my friends. I look back on the memories at that church fondly, and whenever I looked at that steeple...it just was just one of those familiar locations that made Wetaskiwin feel like home.

Now, this morning, a fire broke our in the back of Wetaskiwin's Lutheran Church. The building itself is in tact, and from what I have heard from family members there is only minor damage. But two fires in two churches in the course of two days? I don't know; it's an interesting coincidence anyway.

My heart goes out to the congregation of the United Church. Though we represent two different beliefs, I do sympathize with their loss. I am also grateful that there wasn't greater damage to the Lutheran Church.

Was this just an uncanny coincidence? Or was it something very different?

I'll be keeping my eye on this one.

-The BlueScreener.

The Blog with NO TITLE!!!

2009-10-13T20:38:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

It was Monday morning at the Edmonton International Airport, just a mere 30 minute drive from my beloved hometown of Wetaskiwin. A fun-filled Thanksgiving weekend of family, friends, good food and great laughs had given way to the hustle and bustle of the 5:00 a.m. airport crowd. After sharing a coffee with my dad, I bade him farewell and proceeded through the check-in line. Once through, I was directed to Gate 16, which I swore was at the complete opposite end of the airport as me.

On my journey, I happened upon an Indigo bookstore, impossible to miss for its size and bright lights. I lingered outside; I recently had a fancy to delve into some old comic books again. Besides, I had a half hour until pre-boarding; thus, I ventured in.

Locating the graphic novel section, I quickly perused the impressive and amazing titles in the Marvel and DC library. One in particular caught my eye. Nestled amongst the new and shiny adventures of comic heroes created solely for marketing purposes I spotted a single volume compiled of the earliest issues of The Avengers!

The volume, Essential Marvel Vol. 1, contains the first 24 adventures of Earth's mightiest super-heroes, adventures that first began back in 1963.

Comics back then were so different, so fun, so...innocent. They represent an age of youth that was largely uncorrupted by the violence of media. Prompt dialog and grandiose monologues were ever-present elements. "There can be no delay! It is time to summon the Avengers!! But I cannot summon the strongest team of super-heroes on Earth in the identity of Don Blake! And so, with one strike of my cane upon the surface beneath, I am transformed to the mighty Thor!!" ~Thor (to himself) issue 5, p. 5.

I love comic books, even some modern ones (Deadpool is classic!), but finding a gem like this is truly a treasure. Excellent reading for a long plane ride!

-The BlueScreener

Participant Observation

2009-10-07T19:31:00.000-07:00

Writing for the Media, Participant Observation: Student Life Center. 9:37 a.m., Wednesday.

Today, as an assignment for my Writing for the Media class, I had the opportunity to observe the social interactions of students in the Student Life Center, as well as the various comings and goings of passersby.

Entering the SLC Lounge, I began making my keen observations. One girl I know, Elyssa, was sitting on the end of one of the red leather couches; Riley and his girlfriend were seated in the middle, cuddling and holding hands. TSN’s Sport’s Center played on the TV, announcing the latest hockey and football updates. I made my way over and sat down on one of the couches, my MacBook Pro alive and humming in my lap. The three occupants didn’t seem to notice myself, or the 5 other students from my Media class who were closely observing them from different vantage points all over the room.

The lounge was mostly quiet, save for the announcers on the TV reporting NHL stats (Ducks 3, Wilds 4. Stars 4, Oilers 5. Sharks 4, Kings 6). Everyone seemed too engrossed in their own activities to give notice to those around them. Elyssa seemed quite bored; she probably was waiting for a class, I mused, or simply had finished her homework and had nothing to do. Riley’s girlfriend had her sleek, black laptop open in front of her and was slowly typing. A crumpled, note-scribbled scrap of paper rested on Riley’s lap, indicated that it was her assignment and he was merely assisting. Across the room in the corner, I observed two girls socializing, casually slurping coffee. After a while, two guys entered and engaged in a brief game of pool. Many other students came and went, only staying long enough to hear a particular score on the NHL Wrap Up. The atmosphere in the room felt closed-off; everyone was too into what they were doing to make conversation. In a way, however, simply by being in the room are we all interacting with each other. We were sharing the same experience, even if that experience wasn’t anything exciting at all.

The only conversation starter was the television. The only words uttered by anyone was a small cheer during a particular play in the NFL and NHL replays. I did not see how any interaction could be made in order to fulfill my assignment.

However, things opened up when the TV content began to get interesting. There was open disgust and revulsion at a Jack Layton campaign commercial. Thoughts on his party’s political stance were briefly exchanged. In addition, there was a round of shared laughter at a ShamWow commercial. The conversational highway opened right up when Riley flipped over to ‘The Price is Right’. Everyone, including the other students in my class, participated in pointing out a favored contestant, trying to guess the prices of certain objects, questioning certain games, and discussing what happens to the prizes after the show is over. Everyone seemed comfortable around each other and felt free to break the ice once Drew Carey got out on stage.

Not only did this provide excellent material for my assignment, it opened my eyes to a whole new social reality. Television brings us closer together!

-The BlueScreener

Gone to the Blogs

2009-10-06T06:37:00.000-07:00

"Good evening, Providence.

"Tonight's top story: Is excessive blogging hazardous to your health?

"Recent analyses have discovered that there are harmful side effects to spending numerous consecutive hours blogging on one's computer.

"The harmful effects include sleepiness, loss of concentration and focus, brain cell dysfunction, vision impairment, mindless drooling, and complete and utter loss of basic motor functions.

"These effects are particularly dangerous to young students, who are sometimes required to keep a blog for their media class.

"'It all starts off quite simply,' said a leading analyst, 'they begin with the intention of just writing 100 words, and then, (sucking sound), they get pulled in. They literally cannot pull themselves away from their blog, and then these symptoms occur.'

"Several reports have come in of students returning to their dorms and finding their roommates zoned out in front of an 800+ word blog.

"'It was horrible,' said Dave, a student who was just visiting his friend's room when he discovered him, 'I couldn't believe how he just lost his mind like that...I didn't know what to do!'

"All students affected have been given treatment and are expected to live, but just barely."

-The BlueScreener

Terminator: Review of the Machines

2009-10-05T18:58:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

In preparation for the upcoming DVD release of this summer's Terminator Salvation, the fourth installment of the epic sci-fi series featuring man vs. the machines, I decided to refresh myself on the plot by watching 2003's Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. While T3 was good, it was not as great as the first two films (1984's The Terminator and 1991's Terminator 2: Judgement Day). In comparison, it was much lighter and relied heavily on dazzling visual effects. It didn't quite feel the same. In addition, Terminator Salvation was great, but not as great as the first trilogy. The entire plot of the Terminator series is John Conner trying unsuccessfully to stop Judgement Day. The fourth movie focuses on the actual future war with the machines; as a result, it felt more like a war flick than a Terminator flick.

I really enjoy Terminator; I don't quite know why. The seat-clutching suspense...the intense story, maybe? There's just something about robots from the future trying to assassinate the man who will someday destroy them that draws a guy into a movie, you know?

For those readers unfamiliar with the complex labyrinth that is Terminator, I'll give a brief synopsis:

Decades in the future, an artificial intelligence called Skynet rules the world with high-tech battle machines and cybernetic soldiers called Terminators. Skynet was programmed to protect the U.S. from foreign attack; however, it became self-aware just seconds after activation and decided that the only way to preserve its existence was by destroying the human race (Cue the nukes).
Those that didn't die were hunted down by the machines; humanity was almost snuffed out forever. Then, a man named John Conner rose up and taught humans how to fight back, and the Resistance was born. After years of fighting, the Resistance finally crippled Skynet's infrastructure and won the war. Unfortunately, in a last ditch effort, Skynet sent a T-101 Terminator that looks uncannily like Arnold Schwarzenegger back in time to 1984 to kill John Conner's mother, Sarah, before John is born, thus ensuring Skynet's eventual victory. Getting wind of this, John Conner sends back one of his captain's, Kyle Reese, to protect Sarah and ensure his survival. Both Kyle Reese and the Terminator are destroyed, by not before Kyle has, um, 'relations' with Sarah; in essence, he both protects and creates John Conner's existence. (This is The Terminator)

With this plot failed, Skynet sends a shape shifting T-1000 Terminator back to 1991 to kill John Conner when he's just a boy. This Terminator is composed entirely of a mimetic poly-alloy, allowing it to take any human shape and form its limbs into various stabbing weapons. Oh, and his default liquid state makes him virtually indestructible. John Conner (in the future) sends back a reprogrammed T-101 (Schwarzenegger) to protect young John from the far more powerful technological menace. After finding John, the T-101 helps him break Sarah Conner out of a mental institution (She was declared 'unstable' after the first film). After escaping, John, Sarah and the T-101 infiltrate CyberDyne Systems, the government branch that was/will be responsible for designing Skynet. They blow it up, hopefully preventing the war from ever happening. The T-1000 is finally destroyed by being pushed into a tanker of molten steel. John and Sarah are safe once again. The T-101 then lowers himself into the magma, destroying himself to prevent anyone from replicating his software. (This is Terminator 2)

Yet again, Skynet sends back another Terminator to 2003. This time around they send back the sleek, sexy (and female) T-X, an upgraded blend of the T-101 and the T-1000. She has a solid endoskeleton covered with the polymimetic liquid metal alloy, allowing her to take the shape of any humanoid she touches. Unlike the first Terminators, who couldn't bring weapons into the past with them because of flaws in the time-displacer, the T-X carries a variety of high-tech weapons internally, making her a "highly effective killing machine". Once again, John Conner sends back another T-101, by this time an obsolete model in Skynet's ranks. Because John Conner (in 2003) was living off the grid, the T-X was sent back with the objective of killing off all of his future lieutenants, including his future wife, Katherine Brewster. It only by sheer happenstance that she stumbles upon John, who happened to be around Katherine at the time. The T-101 rescues them both, and they flee across the country. The T-101 inform John that the efforts taken in the second movie failed to stop Judgement Day; they merely postponed it. (Originally, Skynet was to take over in 1997; John and Sarah managed to push it back to 2003) "Judgement Day is inevitable" says the Terminator. Realizing that Judgement Day will occur in just a few hours, John and Katherine determine to try to stop Skynet from going online. They arrive at a CIA-like facility where government officials, one of whom is Kate's father, are working on Skynet. John and Katherine are too late; Skynet is put online and begins to rapidly take over computers around the globe. The T-X activates dozens of prototypes that begin to wreak havoc throughout the facility. Fatally shot by the T-X, Katherine's father uses his dying breaths to implore John and Kate to hide in a presidential bunker, where he says Skynet's mainframe is located. The T-101 fights off the T-X, allowing John and Kate to escape on a plane. The T-X temporarily overcomes the T-101 and proceeds after her targets. John and Katherine arrive at the bunker just minutes before the T-X, who in turn arrives just seconds before the T-101 shows up in a military helicopter and crashes into her. Ever resilient, the T-X continues to try to kill John, despite missing her liquid outer-skin and both legs. The T-101 sacrifices himself by detaining the T-X and jamming one of his nuclear power cells into her mouth. The ensuing blast destroys both machines. John and Kate continue down to the bunker, where they discover not Skynet's core, but rather a Cold War-era fallout shelter. It is here that John finally realizes that there never was any chance of stopping Judgement Day. There was no core, no mainframe... Skynet existed in cyberspace. The Internet. Office and dorm computers. Technology was its mainframe. Through a military radio, John and Kate listen as Skynet begins a series of nuclear attacks on all major cities. As Katherine leans in and takes his hand, John realizes that the moment he has been preparing for and dreading his whole life has arrived. "The war," he says, "has just begun." (This is Terminator 3)
You follow all that? Good.

Terminator Salvation picks up in 2018, years after Judgement Day. John Conner is a leader in the Resistance, although the generals around him are sceptical as to what he has to say. Nevertheless, countless officers follow him, having seen his 'prophecies' about Skynet and the war come true. John discovers to his horror that Skynet has knowledge of everything that happened in the first three movies, despite it having not happened yet. Their number one priority target? Kyle Reese. Take out the boy who will one day be sent back in time, and John Conner will cease to exist. Conner, along with a new ally Marcus Wright, a man put on death row in 2003 then reanimated and experimented on by Skynet, try to find Kyle before the Machines do. Suffice to say, its epic.

In conclusion, the Terminator series is a complex and confusing time-travel tale that takes 12 or 14 consecutive viewings for the plot to be fully understood. I look forward to adding Terminator Salvation, featuring a stellar Christian Bale as John Conner, to my DVD collection.
I hope that my exhaustive yet barely-surface-scratched summary will give you a deeper appreciation of this awesome, awesome series.

"The future has not been written...there is no fate but what we make for ourselves."

-The BlueScreener

The History of the Damnable Life and Deserved Death of Doctor John Faustus: A Contemplative Review

2009-09-30T18:47:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

The readings assigned in ‘Major English Writers I’ are usually daunting, not only in length but in comprehensibility. Pre-19th century writers and poets are not always easy to fathom for the ‘Text-and-Go Generation’, of which I am a member. However, after Monday’s class I was pleasantly surprised, even delighted with the story given to me to read, which was almost entirely comprised of plain, simple English, displayed in teleplay format, and formed in an intriguing plot.

The narrative, entitled ‘The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus’, was written by Christopher Marlowe in the Shakespearean Age. The story follows the titular character Dr. John Faustus, a rather passionate power-seeker who craves forbidden knowledge. He abandons his chosen professions in logic, medicine, law and divinity as practices that he has mastered, or ‘used up’. He seeks out the help of two of his friends, both black magicians, who assist him in contacting the Devil himself. Faustus promises the Devil his eternal soul in exchange for a mere twenty-four years on Earth existing essentially as a god, or ‘a sound magician’, as Faustus declares in the text. Faustus’s desire to be ‘more than a man’ causes him to turn to the greatest evil under God and Heaven and sign away that which cannot be regained: his soul.

Faustus’s pride and ambition render him completely apathetic to the damnation of his soul to Hell; that is, until the final hour. As he prepares to seal his pact with the Devil, his ‘shoulder angel’ appears twice, telling him that God will still forgive him if he repents. Faustus refuses both times, utterly forsaking God and Heaven while literally and consciously choosing Hell.

Faustus is a representation, albeit extreme, of the greed and short-sightedness that humans possess in their hearts. As I read the text, I was astounded that Faustus was so bent on his own way that he refused to hear the warnings of even the Devil himself. Humans can be so intent on their own fleshly desires that they are virtually blind to the consequences of their actions.

This story spoke to me profoundly. When I paused to examine the parallels between Dr. Faustus and every other member of the human race, including myself, I realized that it would be quite easy, without the presence of Christ in our lives, to sign over our souls to the Devil. Especially after reading the tale’s chilling final pages, I find that notion to be quite frightening indeed!

-The BlueScreener

The Language of Cinema

2009-09-29T19:08:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

The chapter assigned to us to read in Intro. to Communication and Media today covered various forms of communication/languages across different mediums.

The chapter contained an excerpt from 'A Sampler of One-Liners and True Facts', an article appearing in The Daily Sentinel by Gary Borders, which I found particularly humorous.

It proceeds as follows:

"Part of the structuring process of each media form is that it develops a language the audience comes to understand. The following are examples of 'languages' the audience has come to learn through TV and film content.

- All police investigations require at least one visit to a strip club.
- All beds have L-shaped sheets to allow the man to bare his chest and the woman to hide hers.
- Ventilation systems are perfect hiding places. They reach to every part of a building, are noiseless to enter and easy to move along both horizontally and vertically, and no one thinks to look there.
- German accents are sufficient should you wish to pass for a German military officer.
- When alone, foreigners speak English to one another.
- All women staying in a haunted house are compelled to investigate strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
- Cars that crash almost always burst into flames.
- Any person waking from a nightmare sits bolt upright.
- All bombs are fitted with large time displays that indicate exactly when they are to go off.
- You can always find a chainsaw if you need one.
- Having a job of any kind ensures that a father will forget his son's eighth birthday.
- Any lock can be picked easily unless it is on a door to a burning building in which a child is imprisoned.
- The more a man and woman hate each other initially the greater the chance they will fall in love in the end."

The funniest part is, it's so true!

-The BlueScreener

The Simpson's 21st Anniversary Mediocr-tacular.

2009-09-28T13:48:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

In case you haven't noticed, Fox gets pretty animated on Sunday nights. The powerful television station calls the cartoon comedy romp 'Animation Domination', and indeed it is. Matt Groening's 'The Simpson's' usually kicks off the televised festivity, followed by Seth MacFarlane's 'Family Guy' and 'American Dad', and now a spin-off of Family Guy, 'The Cleveland Show'.

Last night, Sunday the 27th of September, was premier night. I decided to check out the premier of Simpson's, one of my favorite shows (I ended up watching the entire Animation Domination segment, but that's besides the point).

Here is my review:

The Simpson's:
This first episode of Simpson's 21st season was good, but still not as great as earlier episodes. This one sees uber-geek Comic Book Guy selling his comic book character 'Everyman', a superhero who has the power to absorb the superpowers of any comic book he touches, to a film studio. Naturally, CBG and the studio executives cast oblivious Homer Simpson in the role of Avery Mann, aka Everyman. The episode mostly takes jabs at film studios and how they take something like a comic book and turn it into a sham of a film adaptation out of pure greed. Various movie posters scattered throughout the episode as gags included: 'Star Wars Episode VII: The Apology", "Eddie Murphy in: Fat Suit" and "Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Getting Rabies". Sloppy film editing was also parodied, as much of the episode involved over-weight Homer becoming slim and muscular, and then gaining weight again halfway through the shoot. Consequently, the final version of the movie features scenes with the fat Homer and the physically fit Homer merged together (this greatly upsets the audience). The episode ends with the studio, now bankrupt because 'Everyman' bombed, offering Comic Book Guy the chance to direct the sequel (entitled 'Everyman 2: Rise of the Revenge') if he supports the first movie on the Internet. Comic Book Guy considers this, and is then shown in the last scene rejecting the offer by openly criticizing the movie on his blog ("Worst. Movie. EVER!").

All in all, it was a good episode, but the quality of The Simpson's earlier seasons is still greatly lacking. They should have ended it years ago; now they're just milking it for money.

-The BlueScreener

Wayne vs. Stark

2009-09-25T19:11:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

A year and a half ago I would have adamantly told you that Batman was the coolest comic book character of all time. 2005's 'Batman Begins' and 2008's 'The Dark Knight', both directed by Christopher Nolan and starring Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne/Batman, are two of my top favorite movies. I would have told you that I would have loved to be the Knight of Gothom City, able to pummel evil-doers to a pulp with my bare hands.

However, since the release of 'Iron Man' in 2008, I am not so sure anymore. After seeing the movie, I began to delve into the all material and lore pertaining to the titular character. Seeing all that Tony Stark/Iron Man was in the comics and is in the movie, I am nearly unable to decide who is the coolest of the superheroes. Wayne or Stark? Batman or Iron Man? DC Comics's billionaire ninja or Marvel Comic's billionaire genius?

I will now delve into the positive and negative aspects of each character/franchise:

1) Money. Both Bruce and Stark are multi-billionaires and are at the head of gargantuan global businesses, Wayne Enterprises and Stark Industries, respectively. According to Forbes' 25 Largest Fictional Companies (2007), Wayne Enterprises had estimated sales of $31.3 billion, while Stark Industries only had $20.3 billion. While Wayne Enterprises branches out into a wide variety of sub-companies including Wayne BioTech, Wayne Medical, Wayne Chemical, etc., Stark Industries focuses primarily on weapons manufacturing. I think they're pretty even here.

2) 'Powers'. While neither Wayne nor Stark have any 'superpowers', so to speak, they do have unique skills and abilities. Batman was intensely trained in martial arts (in 'Batman Begins' by the mysterious and dangerous League of Shadows), and now hones expert ninja skills. Iron Man's strength is in his suit. It could be argued that if both heroes were to remove their suits, Bruce Wayne would still have his ninja skills, while Tony Stark would just be a regular guy (albiet brilliant).

3) The suits. Both Batman and Iron Man have equally impressive 'super suits' that they wear on missions. Batman's suit, while not fully bullet-proof, can stop a knife and most melee weapons. The all-black (or dark grey, depending on the incarnation) creates the image of a fearless and terrifying warrior. I mean, who wouldn't want to wear the Bat-outfit? I mean, really? The Iron Man suit, on the other hand, offers far more protection. The suit is completely bullet proof and can even hold up against missiles. The suit reflects Tony's ostentatious personality with its bright red and orange colors, making the suit look a lot like a hot rod. (Every guy who wants a hot rod, imagine wearing one! Ehh??)

4) Weapons. Batman utilizes a variety of specialized weapons, the most prominent of which are the razor-sharp Batarangs. In addition, he has large blades in his wrist-gauntlets that prove quite effective in hand-to-hand combat. The Iron Man suit houses a striking arsenal of high-tech weapons such as repulsor rays and short-range missiles. The suit grants Stark superhuman strength and durability that no ordinary man could challenge.

5) Vehicles. Batman speeds through Gothom City in the fast and furious Batmobile. The comics and early film adaptations depict the Batmobile as a sort of convertible. Batman's 'car' is fast, strong and deadly, carrying multiple weapons of its own, and jets in the back allow it to travel at super-sonic speeds. 'Batman Begins' and its sequel 'The Dark Knight' depict the Batmobile as a formidable tank-like vehicle called 'The Tumbler'. Furthermore, Batman seems to posses a vehicle for every mode of transportation: the Batwing, Batboat, Batsub and Batcycle. In the Dark Knight, the Batcycle was also upgraded into the Batpod, which is essentially a tank on two wheels! Tony Stark possesses a grandiose fleet of sports cars and automobiles; however, his alter ego gets around in much grander style. Repulsors in Iron Man's gloves and boots act like jets, allowing him to fly at great distances, speeds, and altitudes. The film adaptation showed that the suit was able to match the speed of two F-22 Raptors. In could be argued that while Batman has the Batmobile, Iron Man doesn't need a car; he can fly.

6) Friends. Both Bruce Wayne and Iron Man have their token 'butlers'. Batman has his Alfred, Iron Man has his Jarvis. Alfred, while 'merely' butler of Wayne Manor, is very much a father figure to the orphaned Bruce. Alfred is always there to lend advice, and even correct 'Mr. Wayne' when he needs it. It could easily be said that Alfred is the most important person in Bruce's life. Tony, on the other hand, has Edwin Jarvis. Jarvis was a human in the earlier comics, but was made into an Artificial Intelligence system following his similar portrayal in the movie. Sophisticated and sarcastic, Jarvis is able to control the entire Stark home and has an up-link in the Iron Man suit, which he also helped build. Though a brilliant computer would be nice to have, I personally would have to go with the human companionship. (Though it would be neat if my Mac were like Jarvis...)

7) Romances. Neither Batman nor Iron Man were ever able to find permanent love in a woman (Though both playboys usually have a temporary girlfriend). Batman's closest romance is probably one of his greatest enemies, Catwoman. Though Batman refuses to give in to her, many comics critics have attributed her to being Batman's true love (I exclude Rachel Dawes from this as she was created purely for the Nolan movies; she never existed in the comic books). Virginia 'Pepper' Potts is Tony Stark's loyal secretary and potential love interest. Though she occasionally shows she has feelings for Tony, she eventually marries Happy Hogan. Sadly, Batman and Iron Man are most likely doomed to bachelor-hood...

8) Teams. Batman with the Justice League, Iron Man with the Avengers. Batman friends with Superman, Iron Man friends with Thor. Pretty evenly matched here folks. (But wait! The Avengers have the Teen Brigade! Ha! ...That was sarcasm.)

In conclusion, both Bruce Wayne/Batman and Tony Stark/Iron Man are awesome superheroes in their own right. Is one better than the other? This is very hard to say. Batman has been popular far longer than Iron Man, but has also endured a lenghty era of campiness with the 1960's TV series and 1990's movies, before Christopher Nolan returned the titular character to his dark roots. Iron Man's first film, on the other hand, was an instant public and critical success and has already got a sequel in the works, due summer 2010.

I think that Batman and Iron Man's pros and cons are pretty evenly matched, and any attempt such as this to compare them is difficult. So, in short, my in-depth analyses has resulted in absolutely no conclusions whatsoever and may very well be a big waste of my reader's time. Still, it was a fun ride!

-The BlueScreener

Bad Service, Bad Coffee

2009-09-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

While I was in Winnipeg today I made time to swing through a Tim Horton's and purchase my favorite cold beverage: a large, french-vanilla iced-capp. Just the thought of it now makes my taste buds shudder with delight.

While sipping my Heaven-in-a-plastic-cup, I stopped to recount a situation when the service at a Tim Horton's was far less that enjoyable.

At the beginning of September, myself, my brother and my dad began the long excursion from Wetaskiwin, Alberta to Providence. Like any one of our road trips, stops at Tim Horton's were frequent and greatly anticipated. However, our experience at the Timmie's in Medicine Hat was frustrating, almost to the point of being comical.

We pulled into the Tim Horton's at mid-morning. We all intended to order our respective regulars: a large chocolate milk for my brother, large double-doubles for myself and my dad, and a 20-pack of chocolate-glazed Tim Bits for the road.

Unfortunately, the teenager working the till that morning was just slightly off the ball.

First off, my brother had a hankering to try the new Sausage Biscuit (basically the Sausage Sandwich except without the egg or cheese). He first ordered his beverage.

The first blunder was made when my brother was handed a regular milk instead of a chocolate one. Understandable; it was eight in the morning after all. The error was promptly corrected upon complaint.

The second mix up occurred when my brother tried to order the Sausage Biscuit. (Throughout all this, the cashier looked dazed and barely mumbled his words.)

"I'll have the Sausage Biscuit, please." said my brother politely.
"You mean the Sausage Sandwich." mumbled the clerk.
"No, just the biscuit." replied my brother.
"The one with the egg and cheese, right?" asked the clerk.
"No, just the biscuit."
"Yeah, the Sausage Sandwich."
"No, the one without the egg and cheese!" My brother now pointed at a poster for the Sausage Biscuit to make his order clear.
"Oh, okay." muttered the cashier. "You want egg and cheese on it?"
"No, just the plain Sausage Biscuit!"
"...with egg and cheese, right?" the cashier mumbled, barely audibly.
"Um....sure?" said my brother, barely able to understand the clerk and quite confused.

The clerk (who now was beginning to frighten us with his obviously superior intellect) punched several buttons on his registrar.

"Any else?" he asked.
"Two double-doubles and a 20-pack of chocolate-glazed Tim Bits." answered my dad.

The entire order was paid for and handed to us, and we returned to our truck.

To my brother's dismay, he realized that after everything he had been given a Sausage Sandwich! As we laughed and began marveling at the clerk's sheer incompetence, we realized that we had been given 20 assorted Tim Bits! I rushed back in to have them exchanged, and the clerk was less that enthusiastic to oblige.

Finally, we hit the open road. Because I like to savour my coffee, I was just taking the last sip when we were approaching the Saskatchewan border. To the utter disgust of my taste buds, the last sip was littered with coffee grounds!

We still look back to the Tim Horton's, marveling, as well as laughing, at that one cashier. Was he recovering from a wild night? On something? Not a morning person?

Either way, I can hear Comic Book Guy of "The Simpson's" saying: "Worst. Service. EVER!"

-The BlueScreener

Inspirational Inspiration

2009-09-23T20:25:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

In both of the media courses I am taking at Providence, 'Intro. to Communications and Media' and 'Writing for the Media', one thing I am learning about is inspiration.

Inspiration is funny, isn't it? It can elude even the best writer for months at a time. More often than not it hits you out of the blue and leaves you scrambling to find a pencil. Inspiration is the lifeline to a writer's work. Without inspiration...you have nothing.

And what does a tired, over-worked college student who utterly lacks inspiration possibly have to blog about at 10:30 at night? Why, inspiration, of course! (I've mentioned before I love irony.)

As a writer of several full screenplays (though I'm nowhere near professional) I know how dependent writers are on inspiration.

Sometimes when I sit down to any one of my projects, inspiration allows me to write pages upon pages of material. Most times, however, I go months and only manage to write several sentences.

Occasionally I awake in the middle of the night with inspiration on a plot point that my script desperately needed, and I immediately begin scrambling for my pen and notepad.

Often I find inspiration for characters in my work by observing my friends (in a non-creepy way) and the people around me.

Inspiration is elusive and guile, and it takes a focused and attentive writer to hunt it down. When you are able to find inspiration anywhere, you will have the literary world at your knees. I mean, I was able to jot down this whole blog in just 13 minutes, wasn't I? (Inspiration must like me tonight.)

-The BlueScreener

Send Out Those Clowns!

2009-09-22T19:39:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

Recently, a friend and I discussed the various mythological monsters and terrors that exist in today's world. Because we occasionally lean more toward the superstitious and paranoid aspects of our personalities, we talked over the creatures we most fear and the best ways there are to kill them.*

My friend's worst fear are Zombies. He has given thorough research to Max Brooke's "Zombie Survival Guide" in order to ascertain the best methods of defense and the strongest bases to fortify. Zombies must be decapitated entirely; the brain must be utterly destroyed or severed from the body before the Zombie is completely dead.

Vampires may be warded off with garlic or an assortment of sacred artifacts including crucifixes, rosaries and holy water. The only way to kill them; however, is to drive a wooden stake through their heart.

Werewolves are to me the worst to be feared. These bloodthirsty lycanthropes are able to temporarily adopt human forms and are expert night-hunters. Worse still, their bite causes you yourself to transform into a werewolf, erasing any facet of your humanity. This to me would be a fate worse than death. Silver weapons such as arrows and bullets are some of the few effective ways to kill a Werewolf.

Robots are problematic. Their cold, calculating programming and logic allows them to evolve and adapt. Eventually they are able to anticipate the actions of us 'predictable' humans and are able to counter our attacks. There are several ways to terminate these machines, ranging from crushing them in a hydraulic press to injecting their central processors with nanites. Both techniques have proven successful in at least one situation.

Our in-depth discussion lead to us consider another menace that is largely unknown to society today: the Evil Clown. These cackling villains are typically mentally unstable and extremely violent, lacking any form of empathy. They favor weapons such as knives and high explosives. They are unpredictable and calculating, often attacking without reason or motive.

My friend and I began hypothesizing ways to eliminate these disturbing terrors. It is obvious that conventional weapons will not work on them, as their cunning minds allow them to predict the ways we will use them. This forsight enables them to protect themselves accordingly.

After much research and deliberation, my friend and I finally came to the conclusion that the only way to stop a Clown is by throwing it off a very tall building. Given that Batman killed The Joker in such a manner in the 1989 Tim Burton film, we have deduced that this must be the only way to dispatch them.

I hope that with this newfound knowledge of how to properly stop these vile felons, you will be able to better rest at night. Though my friend and I have never had an encounter with an Evil Clown that forced to officially prove out theory, we both hope that we will never have to.

-The BlueScreener

*My editor has encouraged me to make clear that my friend and I are not superstitious, paranoid freaks. The above conversation, though very real, was engaged in purely out of boredom and a lack of anything better to talk about. I simply thought that our theories were humorous enough that they merited an entry in the daily blog. Thank you. ;D

Calvin Makes a Good Point...

2009-09-21T16:28:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

Do you ever wonder how relatively simple things in today's society originally came to be? Eating utensils, Kleenex, sponges, lamps, certain foods... Who first thought of these things and produced the first prototype?

The origination of some foods especially gets me thinking. Who was the first person to eat the first of a certain food? One particular strip of the popular comic 'Calvin and Hobbes' is a perfect illustration. Six-year-old Calvin and his anthropomorphic stuffed tiger, Hobbes, are enjoying a glass of milk when young Calvin stops to consider milk's origins. "Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'Gee, I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these pink things when I squeeze them?'" muses Calvin, much to Hobbes' revulsion.

While humorous, this strip has always had me wondering where certain foods came from and who first tasted them.

For instance, who first said:

"Some hard and white thing just fell out of that chicken's butt. I think I'll crack it open and eat whatever's inside."?

"Those bees are collecting some sticky stuff in their hive. I think I'll steal it and turn it into something spreadable for my toast."?

"Those birds are using their own spit to build their nests. I think I'll take those nests and turn them into soup."?

"Something furry just ran into the alley behind my Oriental Deli. I think I'll catch it and make it today's lunch special."?

When you stop to consider the brave pioneering required to create the foods we have on today's menus, it really changes the way you eat.

Anyway, it was just an observation. ;D

-The BlueScreener

The Real Onion News

2009-09-20T16:30:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

Good evening Providence. Tonight's top story: the Annual Providence Freshmen Retreat, Activities and Games.

Every Fall semester, dozens of freshmen attend the ever-popular Providence Freshmen Retreat, held at Red Rock Bible Camp in Southeastern Manitoba.

The retreat is always a rousing success in the eyes of the eager young freshmen, who are kept entertained with board games, beach activities, canoeing, chapel and worship, and an assortment of odd and unusual camp games.

One such game was the Eating Rally, which bore striking similarities to NBC's 'Fear Factor'. The freshmen were required to eat everything from Tootsie Rolls to Spam, from dried fruit to sardines. One freshmen by the name of James was forced to eat an entire white onion.

"Oh, it was gross." said James in his interview. "It was okay for the first couple of bites, then the burning started and it was awful."

Sources say that James managed to devour the onion in just four bites.

"Well, I knew I had to wolf it down pretty quickly." remarked James. "I mean, my team was counting on me, and I just had to get out there and give my hundred-and-ten percent, you know?"

Some of the other games played at the retreat were Scarf the Toilet Paper, Cracker-Whistling, Egg Dropping, Hit-your-Opponent-with-a-Fish, and Eat it or Wear it.

-The BlueScreener

Our Friend the Mosquito

2009-09-17T18:24:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

In case you fellow Providence students haven't noticed, we've had quite the little Mosquito outbreak in the past week. They seem to be everywhere, and everywhere they're not, they find a way to get in. They irritate us in class, they harass us outdoors, they torment us while we sleep...I think it's safe to say that no one really cares for this species.

They carried West Nile Virus. The females are known to transmit malaria. They are literally bloodsucking parasites. They appear to serve no purpose in this life other than to antagonize the human race. This gets me pondering: what was God's original intention for this pesky little insect?

Did God originally create the Mosquito for something good, only to have them turned into loathsome vermin once sin entered the world? Perhaps the first Mosquitos were pollinators alongside the Bumblebees. It could have been that they were fertilizers of the Garden of Eden; going forth from flower to flower, making everything bloom spectacularly.

On the flip-side, God may have included the Mosquito as part of the judgment of sin together with the weeds and thistles. It may be that these vile pests are a continuing consequence of man's rebellion against God.

Either way, if Eve had been given prior knowledge of the future Mosquito-infested Earth, I don't think she would have touched that apple!

-The BlueScreener

The Life and Times of Phil

2009-09-16T13:17:00.000-07:00

The BlueScreener presents:

The Life and Times of Phil:

Providence College and Seminary student Philip Marrell Wiebe, tall, slightly blond and bespectacled, hails from Kander, Germany, just a few miles out from Friedenberg. Phil made the long journey to Manitoba, Canada to pursue his major in Communications and Media, with the ultimate ambition of having his work published for all to see. Upon further inquiry, Phil declined to elaborate, claiming that '...the topic is {far} too broad'. Further analysis on Phil could not be gathered or expanded upon due to time constraints.

-The BlueScreener

Blog-X

2009-09-15T15:13:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

Marvel fans, hold on to your spandex super-suits! Today, X-Men Origins: Wolverine was released on DVD! The much anticipated (by me, anyway) movie featuring one of the X-Men franchise's greatest characters, Wolverine, is at long last in the hands of the public.

But alas, the Superstore in Steinbach does not carry the jam-packed 2-disc edition I so covet. Thus, until I can make it up to an HMV in Winnipeg, I will be forced to make due with a rental from Movie Gallery.

To delve into a complete review of the pros and cons of this movie would take days; therefore, I am forced to keep my thoughts brief.

The characters were interesting. The complex relationship between Logan (Wolverine) and his brother, Victor Creed, is fascinating to watch. Deceitful and manipulative William Stryker provides for an excellent antagonist. Fan favorites such as Gambit and Deadpool make their respective, albiet rather short, appearances. It is always fun to read about these characters in the comics and then see them adapted onto the big screen.

The plot of 'Wolverine' was largely based off of the 'Team X' storyline from the comics; however, the film borrowed many elements from other eras and timelines throughout the history of X-Men. While engaging, the story at times felt rushed and confusing. The motives of the villians are not always that clear, even after the credits start rolling. In addition, the ending felt rather weak.

I thought the special effects were fantastic. (Some fans claim that Terminator 2 had better effects.) The shot of Wolverine jumping from an exploding jeep on a motorcycle onto a moving helicopter was spectacular to watch (and fun to write about!). Victor running on all fours was quite impressive, as was his ability to jump from wall to wall with ease. Furthermore, the fight scenes were well choreographed and very fast-paced.

In conclusion, I stand by 'Origins' despite its faults. I feel that director Gavin Hood has done a great job at providing us Marvel fans with a much-more-than-decent retelling of one of the best origin stories from the beloved comics.

Suffice to say, it's not awesome, but hey, it's Wolverine!

-The BlueScreener

Short-Term

2009-09-14T16:44:00.000-07:00

Greetings.

Memory is a funny thing, isn't it?

What makes human memory so fragile that thoughts can apparently withdraw from the mind as they please, leaving their helpless hosts to desperately try and regain the ideas they held just moments before?

Just this morning, I had a grandiose idea as to what to write in my blog today. I found the notion so hilarious that I couldn't help but laugh out loud to myself. Moments later, I had no recollection whatsoever about what I intended to write. In fact, I only remembered that I even had a blog just an hour ago, and then I began my futile attempt to try and remember the brilliant idea I had come up with (It still hasn't come yet).

What is it that triggers memory? Why do we remember various events from our early childhood but can't remember to bring our notebooks to class? Why do we remember certain unimportant and rather dull occurrences so vividly but are helpless to recall important instructions from our supervisor?

To add a touch of irony to this musing, I completely forget where I was taking this! (I think I need a coffee...)

Until tomorrow.

-The BlueScreener

Eight Years Ago Today...

2009-09-11T08:59:00.000-07:00

It has been eight years since Al-Qaeda terrorists hijacked American airlines and crashed them into the World Trade Center. I can still remember vividly where I was and the flurry of emotions that ran through my brain.

It began like any other Tuesday morning. My mom, my younger brother and I got up around 9 a.m. My dad, who was out of town at the time, called and told my mom to turn on the TV. Our old 20-inch screen flickered to life just in time to show us United Airlines Flight 175 colliding with the South Tower.

I was shocked...horrified...terrified. The day ended with over 3000 people dead and well over 6000 injured. At only 11 years old, how could I take it all in?

As the weeks after 9/11 progressed, everybody simply waited for America to heal. Looking back, it really hasn't.

What a fragile world we live in, isn't it? All it takes is one event to change the face of our Earth.

I have found that the only safe way to live in this life is with my faith firmly planted in the Lord. Everything is balanced in His hands.

Let's face it, we live in uncertain times. Terrorists, economic recession, failing Healthcare, rising crime rates, the list goes on. The only way to feel safe is in the hands of our Almighty Lord.

-The BlueScreener

The Blog: 2nd in my 60-Something Part Series

2009-09-10T08:10:00.000-07:00

Greetings from the BlueScreener.

I awoke this morning at the early hour of 6:50 a.m., only to be cajoled into sleeping another forty more minutes by my warm blankets and pillow (They are very persuasive!). Finally, I was able to drag my tired body out of bed and crawl into the shower. I completed my devotions by 8:10, finished eating breakfast by 8:25, and actually arrived at my English class fully prepared at 8:28 (two minutes early!).

So, it is with the most exciting part of my day behind me that I sit here, at 10:25 a.m., recording the past several hours onto my Blog.

As you can see, I really have nothing quite interesting to comment on, other than that I am currently drinking a steaming Tim Horton's coffee out of my recently purchased 'Corner Gas' mug.

Oh, well. Perhaps tomorrow.

-The BlueScreener

I Can't Believe it's a Blog!

2009-09-09T09:49:00.000-07:00

Greetings. I am The BlueScreener.

Today I began my major in Communication and Media under the tutelage of Dr. Nicholas Greco at Providence College and Seminary.

I arrived for my first class at room 5 at 8:29 a.m. only to find that I was the only student who forgot to bring a laptop, notebook or pen. Thus, I was forced to commit all of Dr. Greco's teachings to memory.

What were his instructions? Did he allocate the expected 4 tons of homework to my already busy college schedule? Nay; all that was required of me was to create a simple Blog. What? Did I hear him correctly? A Blog? That was it? Believe it or not it was true. I was assigned a daily web log to be updated throughout the week and filled with information on myself and my experiences. Dr. Greco's only request was that the blog be conducted in an informal yet professional manner and be free of any grammatical errors; and spellng mistakes.

With that, I present to you the Musings of the BlueScreener. They will range from the thought-provoking to the incredibly silly, and will continue from now until this semester is complete at the end of December.

I look forward to posting as well as reading the posts of my peers. I hope you find this an interesting compilation of well-rounded notions and opinions instead of a messy amalgamation of random nonsense that was thrown together by a sleepy college student deprived of his morning coffee.

I bid thee have a good day and a happy blogging.